This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
