My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
