sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
