Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
