um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
