good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
