Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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