No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
