He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
