It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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