I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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