Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
it glows. i had to have it.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
