I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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