Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
