I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
