I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
