What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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