Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
