a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
tell me about the eggs
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
