dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
you mean i was at the winter classic?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
