is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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