She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
