worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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