The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
