I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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