But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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