this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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