so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
