I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
