lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
