I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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