Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
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Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?