Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go