don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
