i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
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next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
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That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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