Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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