i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Randomize
