Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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