Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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