Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
