We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
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Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
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Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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