My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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