Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
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mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
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The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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