I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
he fucked my hip out of place.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
