She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
