I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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