Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
