Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
