community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
This is my gift to your gina
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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