I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
