Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
