i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...