I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
