one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%