thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.