The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.