I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach