you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.