no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
