i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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