i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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