His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
