just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
