Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
this hospital has no fireball
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
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