I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
