If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
